Thursday, 19 September 2019

Sabbatical reflections #5: confession


"it is easy to believe in such moments that water was made primarily for blessing, and only secondarily for growing vegetables or doing the wash. I wish I had paid more attention to it...
This is an interesting planet. It deserves all the attention you can give it."
(Marilynne Robinson,
Gilead, p.32)

Monday was my first full day on retreat at the Community of the Resurrection. Early on that day I had realised that I was carrying a 'heaviness' with me - a heaviness that was at least three-fold: I was feeling enclosed, cut off from everyone, everything that usually sustains me; I was aware of how much I had left behind, back home and at work, that felt 'left undone', half-finished, unresolved; and, if I was honest in my deepest depths, I was feeling unready for an honest encounter with God.

On Tuesday afternoon, after another lengthy daytime sleep ('nap' would be understating it!), I found myself writing a confession. You'll understand if I don't share the details here, I'm sure! But I will say that it covered everything from my presence and attentiveness to my family, my neighbours and my congregation members, to some of the relationships in my life that are at times more strained, to my over-reliance on a car and my slowness to respond to the urgent challenges of our planet-destroying habits, to my insufficient attentiveness to white privilege and racism - to acknowledging that the book I was supposed to be finishing by the end of July was not going to get written any time soon. If there was one headline that encompassed most of the detail, it was my failure to receive my fellow human beings, my own inner life, and the earth itself, "as the precious gifts of God - to be treasured, and to change me - that they all are".

When I had written out all that I could write, I went for a walk in the woods...

"Walked through the woods in the pouring rain. The rain poured down my eyes like tears, drenched my feet like a Maundy Thursday foot-washing. Cleansing, forgiving rain. For me, yet indiscriminate - for all who choose to walk in it, or who are caught up in it unchosen.

I've come to see the heavy burden of guilt I've been carrying. Some of it I can see ways to amend - some I'm not so sure. I've never made a sacramental confession before - I'm not even sure how to do it. But tomorrow I will ask for help to do so." (Tuesday, 5.20pm)


Having resolved to 'make my confession' with my guide when we next met, I woke up on Wednesday morning feeling really, really nervous.

"The best comparisons I can think of are:
- my first date with Janey - the risk of offering / exposing a good deal of myself, in the hope/longing for acceptance, love, reciprocation, desire - but genuinely not knowing what the response would be
- going into a meeting / conversation to address head-on a conflict, or a failure
… and I guess, in a way, it's a bit like both..." (Wednesday, 10.25am)

It didn't take long...

"OK, so... That was, on one level, utterly straightforward. I read some words off a card. I read my 2 pages of confession [that I'd written the day before]. [My guide] suggested I took the rest of the day "off", other than reading the story of the Prodigal Son, from the Father's perspective. He read the words of absolution. And I left. Back to my room, in less than 15 minutes.

On another level... I could feel the tears welling as I came to the end of my bit. They held off, until half way down the corridor. And then they came, in floods. I'm writing this with red eyes and a snotty nose..." (Wednesday, 10.50am)





"But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion,
and ran and embraced him and kissed him...



"But the father said.... 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him;
and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet;
and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry;
for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found."
(Luke 15:20, 22-23)

Wednesday, 18 September 2019

Sabbatical reflections #4: "what are you looking for?"

"What are you looking for?" (John 1:35-39)


"Waking from sleep after about 3 hours. The first hour or so was resting, listening to a (noisy!) lawnmower just outside the window. After that, deep sleep! Waking, my first instinct is to reach for my phone. 'What are you looking for?' What are you seeking, longing for, desiring, wanting, needing...? Mostly to see if Janey and the kids have texted. Some contact. Touch. Being in touch." (Monday, 4.45pm)

In our household, we often talk about the 5 'love languages', different ways of expressing and embodying our love and care for each other: 'gift giving', 'quality time', 'physical touch', 'acts of service', and 'words of affirmation'. They're a helpful tool for us to remember that the ways in which I naturally express my love for you - and the things I most readily appreciate in the way you express your love for me - may not be quite the same as your natural ways of expressing love, and the ways that you most want or need me to show love to you. They can also, in self-reflection, helpfully highlight where we're feeling a bit of a 'hole' in our lives - ways of feeling loved that we're missing, lacking - but without instantly jumping to pointing the finger at someone else to make it better.

I'm conscious that the 'love languages' I long for, want, need, seek, crave the most are touch, words, and the kind of loving attention, presence, company that is here labelled 'quality time'. I struggle when I feel 'out of touch', physically and communicatively, with those with whom I share, to broaden an over-narrow phrase, a 'love life'. Some of the deepest longings I've plumbed in psychotherapy, and longings that have been close to the heart of my work in Hodge Hill, have been about being in the midst of a community of people 'in touch' with each other, present to one another. Home-making. 'Growing loving community', as our church mission statement puts it.

And entering this guided retreat, I was very conscious too of the ways in which I've found myself less present than I long to be. Less present to my wife and children - by not being around as much as I want to be, or being around, but with laptops, screens and phones getting in the way of us being truly present to each other. Less present in my neighbourhood and church - partly through various 'steps back' to support and supervise others, but partly also in responding to invitations to travel, teach and speak beyond the parish.

In John chapter 1, Jesus asks the first disciples, 'what are you looking for?', and they respond by asking Jesus, 'where are you staying?'. It struck me that these are two sides of the same coin. Perhaps, as well as asking us, 'what are you looking for?', the question, 'where are you staying?' is a question for us too. Where are you abiding? living? calling 'home'?


Nicola Slee's book, Sabbath: the hidden heartbeat of our lives, was one of just three books I got out of my heavy holdall during the retreat week. Over the week, on so many levels, the journey of the book resonated with where I found myself at the beginning of my sabbatical, with the journey of the retreat and its questions and themes (both those offered by my guide, and those which emerged in all kinds of unpredictable ways), and with the physical surroundings of the retreat house where I was staying. Three questions from the book, in particular, framed the beginnings of my time there:
  • where is the place where you feel most at home, most truly yourself, the place that tells you who you are in the world?
  • where is the place to which you seek to return for rest, renewal and recreation?
  • where, for you, is the woods or the wilds? [Sabbath, p.73 - in reverse order!]
These are simple, profoundly important questions. They are questions that I realised on retreat that I'd not been asking myself enough over the last few years. I find it fascinating, right now, that the locations of 'home' (our 'abiding place') and of 'the woods / wilds' might overlap, as well as being different. And fascinating that the Spirit of God is both the 'wild spirit' and 'home-maker' - as well as the 'guest' who helps, enables, encourages and equips us in the work of 'home-making' and hospitality.

Sabbatical reflections #3: fleeing and staying

"Where can I flee from your presence?" (Psalm 139)

Looking back on the journal entries from my week of 'individual guided retreat' (at the Community of the Resurrection, Mirfield), one of the things that strikes me is how quickly my internal (emotional, spiritual) state seems to shift - in tandem with the 'slowing down' that I've already noted. The retreat lasted just six days, which at times during the week felt like an eternity, and while I can point to very little activity during that time, a lot happened nevertheless.

My days were made up, mostly, of sleeping (during the night, but also napping during the day), eating, wandering in the woods, gathering for prayers in the church (four times a day), plenty of time for solo reflection and a tiny bit of reading (alongside the Bible, I allowed myself one novel - Marilynne Robinson's Gilead - one reflective book - Nicola Slee's Sabbath - and one book of poetry - Wendell Berry's collection of sabbath poems), and about 10 minutes each day talking with my 'guide'. This could hardly be called 'busy'. But on my first full day there, Monday, I wrote 13 pages of my journal, and I can trace significant internal shifts even over the course of that day.


On the first morning, at 8.15am, after breakfast, I was all set to escape...

"I've already contemplated leaving. Going home. Or getting on the bike and cycling a good distance. There's a cycleway by the River Calder that would take me to Hebden Bridge. Then Rochdale. Then Manchester. Or, in the other direction, towards the sea - at least, that's what Google Maps told me this morning!

But this is a Benedictine house. They have taken a vow of stability - a vow that I, just for a week, am being invited to adopt. Staying, not fleeing. Being here. Within these walls, the confines of this place, and no other.

Something about that weighs heavy. But not that it is too little - it is too much. "Too much God" - was that how [a wise friend] described going on retreat? …

I want to explore this place - to see what treasures are hidden in its grounds. And yet part of me resists. Am I afraid? Of disappointment? That what there is, is all there is? Or am I afraid of who I'll bump into, walking in the cool of the day, and of discovering that I'm naked?"

By 9am, I had found my way to the woods behind the house - a maze of winding pathways that seemed to reveal new routes every time I went to explore them again.

"Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul?" (Psalm 42)

"Part of the heaviness is things not done... And all those who have taken on extra responsibilities, for me to be here... Part of me longs to just sit down with the laptop and write. Finish something. The article. A chapter. Whatever. Part of me longs for the wind that is blowing the trees around me to just blow those commitments away - postponed, if not cancelled. But those commitments are relationships. Friendships. Trust. They will not, should not 'blow away'. But I do need them to 'settle', somehow. Is that what 'confession' means? 'We have left undone those things we ought to have done...'?"

At 10.30am I met with my guide. We briefly introduced ourselves to each other. And then he offered me two short bible passages, to take away and 'sit with', 'chew on': Deuteronomy 2:7, and John 1:35-39.

Back in my room, I read them and re-read them, consciously slowing down, resisting, my habitual tendency (entrenched after 6 years writing a PhD!) to skim-read, dissect and move on. And I found myself staying with just one phrase of the Deuteronomy passage:

"these forty years the Lord your God has been with you; you have lacked nothing"

I'm 43. "These forty years" is effectively my lifetime, more or less. I found myself looking back over that lifetime, remembering parts of the journey that had been long-forgotten, submerged. Remembering some of the harder stuff - lots that I've attended to, wrestled with, in 9 months of psychotherapy, but is by no means just 'past history'. Remembering also so much that has been good, so many blessings. And remembering too a faith, a conscious journeying with God, that I can trace back into early childhood. A faith journey entangled, as a teenager especially, with other parts of my identity: the nerdiness of someone who was a high achiever academically and loved words; and the social awkwardness of an only child who moved schools a lot and was a bit clueless about intimate relationships. But in the remembering, a profound thanksgiving - "the Lord your God has been with you... has blessed you in all the work of your hands... you have lacked nothing". A blessing often only half-acknowledged.

"Walking the woods again tonight, I took a flight of stone steps that, at first glance, looked like it came to a dead end at a wall. In fact, at the wall the steps turned a corner, and then the path bent round into a clearing, overlooking houses. At the other end, it narrowed again, and took me over the top of the big locked gates I'd peered through earlier in the day. A twist and a turn, and I was back at the bench overlooking the valley. A little sigh of relief, the gentlest thrill of excitement, at finding a new path, at coming back to a familiar place from an unfamiliar direction, at the secret treasures of this confined space not yet being exhausted." (Monday evening)

Monday, 16 September 2019

Sabbatical reflections #2: changing gear


My sabbatical started with the May half-term holidays - a week of adventures with the kids, and various combinations of friends and wider family, climbing hills, whizzing down water-slides and, over the second weekend, cycling 70 miles around the Isle of Wight with my father-in-law Jim and brother-in-law Steve, celebrating Jim's 70th birthday.

The day after the cycle ride - my first Sunday off work! - I drove Janey and the kids home to Birmingham from the Isle of Wight, and after a swift bit of re-packing, continued driving further north, on my own now, to the Community of the Resurrection in Mirfield, in the middle of the Yorkshire Dales.

I arrived at the door of the Retreat House, my laptop in a bag on my back, and weighed down by a holdall full to almost-overflowing: enough changes of clothes for the week in one corner, and the rest of the space taken up by a small library of books. My plan for my time there, among other things, was to read and write for a journal article due to be submitted the following week, and maybe to write two or three chapters of my book, the deadline for which was also fast approaching.

A kindly monk answered the door: a gentle smile, and eyes clear enough to see right through you. We move slowly through the house, down corridors, through doors, up staircases. On our journey, my welcomer points out the common room, complete with well-stocked bookshelves. "But we don't encourage reading on a guided retreat." Not weighty words, merely clarifying. But stirring within me a lurking fear: I have things to do; things that need doing. My laptop and book-laden holdall suddenly feel much heavier on my shoulders.

By the time we reach my room for the week, the penny has begun to drop for me; a lesson not just for this week, but for the whole of the 3-month sabbatical that begins here: there is an invitation here, which is also a challenge, a struggle even... to not do; to not need to do; to not be needed to do...

My other realisation on the way up the stairs was that "silent retreat" meant silent. Before leaving home, with Janey and the kids we'd agreed to try and get in a daily phone conversation. But my arrival at Mirfield clarified that the most communication I could reasonably allow myself would be a brief daily text conversation.

"And then the bell rings, summons to Compline. Navigating the warren of corridors. The smell of incense. And the opening out into a cavernous space - the church. A cavern that echoes with my every cough, and sniff, and fidget [predictably, I'd come down with a cold in the first few days after stopping work!]. That echoes with the words of prayer, so that the pauses are needed to let the echoes fade to silence, to make space for the next phrase to be said. Compline. Familiar yet strange. Navigating a different book. Realising that we've entered Ascensiontide. And complex plainsong that seems to defy the rubrics given. A secret code known only with the practice of time. I am a stranger here. Not a tourist. A guest, welcomed. Not yet at home."

This first entry in my journal I headed "Dis/orientation". A sense of being a bit lost, but also discovering a new direction, at least for a time. But looking back, I've found myself also talking about "changing gear": a slowing down of my walking pace, of my breathing, of my activity, of my over-active brain. A slowing down not just for its own sake, but for becoming more able to pay attention. A slowing down for sabbatical time - but perhaps (and this first stirring deepened in the weeks that followed) even for the "ordinary time" beyond sabbatical...

Friday, 13 September 2019

Sabbatical reflections #1

From June to the end of August, I've had the immense gift of "sabbatical time" - a whole three months of space, away from my usual pattern of working life as vicar in Hodge Hill, to rest, reflect, recharge the batteries and, in temporarily "disconnecting" from some aspects of life, to "reconnect" with some other vital, but perhaps neglected, dimensions of what it means to "live fully". I jotted down some of my hopes for this time, towards the end of May, in a blog post here.

The last few weeks of sabbatical time were spent with my lovely family, on various holiday adventures together. So it's only now, "re-entering" working life in September, that I'm beginning to reflect in a more focused way on what gifts "sabbatical time" has given me. As I've said to one or two people already, the sabbatical felt like it was a time in which many seeds were planted, deep down in the ground, and so far they have barely begun to poke their shoots above the surface. But in the coming weeks I want both to look back on what some of those seeds looked like, and begin to discern what new growth might be emerging.

As with most of my blog posts, I'm writing this mostly for myself. But if, by chance or the mysterious workings of the Spirit, there might turn out to be resonances for anyone else who happens to read this, gifts that somehow spread and multiply (a bit like the more beautiful of weeds!) - then I'll be doubly thankful.

(I'll try and remember to label sabbatical reflections with the "sabbatical" tag, as there may well be other posts that end up here in the coming weeks!)

Tuesday, 3 September 2019

Guest blog: "peace to this house" - a sermon from South Africa

I'm three days 'back to work' after a wonderful, refreshing, enriching and eye-opening three months of sabbatical time - an immense gift, that I'm only just beginning to unwrap.

One of the many, many highlights of that time was two weeks in South Africa, spending time with Christians, theologians, and practitioners, churches, organisations and communities in and around Pretoria and Cape Town. I joined with two very different church communities for Sunday morning worship while I was there. One of them, in Pretoria, was the Uniting Reformed Church of South Africa congregation of Melodi ya Tshwane. The preacher there was also my host for the few days before, Revd Cobus van Wyngaard. With his permission, I'm sharing his sermon from that morning - with gratitude not just for his hospitality (and that of the congregation there), but for the many resonances it struck with my own experience, thinking and practice...

Scripture: Luke 10:1-12

Sermon (Revd Cobus van Wyngaard)


One strange thing about worshipping together, is that part of our worship is to remind ourselves that worshipping together really isn’t the point. We gather together in part to remind ourselves that our purpose is not gathering together. While Christians are known for gathering on Sundays, we gather to remind that faith is not about Sundays. Faith is not about what happens in between these walls, what happens on Sunday, but about what happens throughout life, Monday to Saturday.

When Luke writes his gospel the church is no longer a small community in Jerusalem. Paul’s mission journeys lies decades in the past. Peter and Paul have both died years ago. And small Christian communities can be found all over the cities of the Roman empire. When Luke writes, he is not simply trying to tell a story of 72 of Jesus’ followers somewhere in Galilee, on their way to Jerusalem. Rather, he is trying to say something to the hundreds of Christian communities all over the Roman empire, 40 years after the crucifixion, trying to work out what it means to engage their communities in their day. And in the same way the story that Luke tells of something that happened 40 years earlier have been speaking to Christian communities decades and centuries after he wrote this. Forming the way in which we work out what it means to engage our communities today.

There are two words that Luke use, that cause me to think that it is important to note that he is writing to followers of Jesus in little congregations all over the Roman Empire: “peace” and “kingdom”. Now, these words are not unique to Luke 10, we find them all over the gospel. When the angels announce Jesus’ birth in Luke 2, then it is with the word “peace”. And when Jesus introduce his parables it is often with the words “the kingdom of God is like...”. But why are these words so important?

The Roman Empire of Luke’s day have occupied the area all around the Mediterranean Sea. Today we would think of countries like Spain, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Israel, Egypt, and Libya. And this empire will continue expanding for centuries after Luke was writing, before eventually collapsing. This big empire, like all empires, were being maintained by a big army. But the Roman empire was quite explicit that what it was bringing through all these conquests was peace: the peace of Rome. Peace through conquest. Peace through power. Peace through subordination to rulers in big cities far away. This was the good news of the Roman rulers. The gospel of the emperor.

And here comes Jesus, telling his followers: go to all these small towns in the Roman empire, and tell people “Peace to this house”. Here comes Luke, writing to Christians some decades later, telling them: live in this Roman Empire in such a way that it brings “peace”. But which peace? The peace of the Roman emperor? Is Jesus teaching that they should do their part in making this empire work? Definitely not! It is God’s peace that is being announced. A different kind of peace. We can examine the reminder that the “kingdom of God has come near” in a similar way. God’s kingdom. A reminder of a different rule that the rule of the emperor.

But there is another side to these encounters of Luke 10 to which I want to draw our attention this morning. Yes, the message that is being pronounced is about “peace to this house” and “the kingdom of God has come near”, but just as important, perhaps even more important, than what is being said is what is being done. Two things happen in these encounters of peace. People are eating together, and the sick is being cared for.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this story, at least for me, is that Jesus is teaching his followers that they should not only give, but also receive. They are sent out to these communities, and they are to receive hospitality. And I have a suspicion that there is much that the church today must hear in this. The message of peace are weaved together not only with giving hospitality, but with receiving it.

What happens when we arrive at strangers and receive their hospitality? A while ago I found myself in Kenya for work, arriving a weekend before the project started. A Kenyan neighbour of mine told her sister who was living close to Nairobi that she must receive me for a meal. However, when I got picked up I was told in no uncertain terms that I cannot just come for lunch, I’ll have to stay the night! And many things are happening in such encounters. Yes, there are the relationships being built across many borders. But there is also the deep sense that I can never repay them. I am bound to receive. And I’m absolutely dependent on other people, I can sense that I’m losing control, I’m in other people’s space where there are rules and habits that I’m not familiar with, and which I do not control. So hear Luke’s story: Go, and do not take a purse, or bag or sandals. Go, but in such a way that you will be forced to be dependent on others. Because God’s peace imply, among other things, that we learn to live inter-dependently. To follow Jesus, to announce God’s peace, mean that I learn to lose control, to become dependent on others. But also, that I have something to bring, a peace to announce, care to give. I also bring something to this peace encounter.

The peace of Rome came with swords and a big army. It came with clear control of some over others, with power for some, and powerlessness for others. The peace it promised was a peace that would get rid of the “bad elements” in society. It promised to keep the roads safe – although ironically it is Luke 10 that will later tell the story of the good Samaritan, of an attack on a road, reminding that the army really wasn’t even able to keep this promise of peace. But the peace of God doesn’t come with power. It isn’t being forced down. Friends, we cannot even claim to “bring” the peace of God from one place to another. God’s peace doesn’t simply flow out of the church towards our communities. It’s not something that we can claim to own. Rather, God’s peace is discovered in these meetings where strangers become dependent on each other. Receive a meal, heal the sick.

And if the kingdom of God has come near, then it similarly isn’t something that arrives from outside. These meetings are themselves sign of the kingdom coming near. These meetings are the cracks in the kingdoms of the world which is being enforced with might, the kingdoms of this world that separate, that sets up one group of people against another, plays off one group of people against another. The kingdoms of this world that tell us that there are some who give, and others that must just wait and receive, some who control, and others that are just being dragged along. In contrast, in these encounters where those without a purse or bag announce peace and receive hospitality we see the sign: the kingdom of God is near.

But Luke 10 is so different from how we usually think of the church’s mission to the world. We usually think of the church as the one bringing, the one announcing, the one giving. We bring God, we bring the gospel, we bring something to hand out. But what if we start to note that to receive hospitality in the most expectant places is part of what we are being sent into the world for?

What would it look like if we start to think quite concretely about a faith which calls us into such an inter-dependence? We usually gather in the CBD, where people from multiple countries, languages, and cultural backgrounds live in close proximity. Gauteng as a whole is a place where people are gathering from all over the country, and from far beyond the borders of the country. What would it look like if we learn to live truly inter-dependently? Not only giving, not only receiving, but discovering God’s peace when we give and receive. Discovering moments of hospitality in our encounters with one another.

This is a peace which neither the police nor the army can bring. It’s not a peace that is maintained by stronger control of borders of the movement of people. It’s not a peace dependent on deporting people or hiding those that have become dependent on a life on the streets. Rather, a peace which asks that we learn to live inter-dependently, learn to give, but also to receive.

And both require learning. For some of us, we have been told so many times that we have nothing to give, that it will require learning that we have to give to discover God’s peace with others. For some of us, we have been told to many times that we should do everything ourselves, that we need nothing, that we must always be in control, that it will require learning that we need to lose control, accept what others offer, and join in a meeting of God’s peace.

Exploring our gifts, and exploring where we need to let go of control, should be part of what we do as church, and what we do together with the communities in which we live. What would it look like if we build connections of giving and receiving between the old age homes in the city – with whom I read Luke 10 last week – and our youth groups? Both reminded that they have something to give, and something to receive. Perhaps our journey towards unity can only have meaning if we discover that we are truly inter-dependent. And perhaps our witness to our society and country will only speak truly of peace when speak from within communities that are inter-dependent, where those without a purse announce peace and receive a meal, where those who receive a meal care for the sick in turn, where we discover God’s peace which emerge when we bring our gifts and receive the gifts of others.

Tuesday, 2 July 2019

The path of life (a sermon)


I'm on sabbatical at the moment, so generally not going anywhere near the work of preaching (or indeed much else that usually counts as 'work'). But it was an immense privilege to be asked by a very dear friend, Revd Catherine Matlock, to preach at her first eucharist as a priest, in the parish of Kings Norton where she is currently Pioneer Curate. Lots of people said lots of very generous things about the sermon, so here it is...

(Readings for Proper 8C:       Galatians 5:1, 13-25; Psalm 16; Luke 9:51-end)

Francesco Bernardone’s family were up-and-coming, newly rich. His dad was a shrewd and ambitious businessman, and as his fabric business made money, he bought up tracts of land from struggling landowners in the area. Young Francesco had seemingly limitless money to spend, and his father encouraged him to splash it around freely. Aside from his wealth, Francesco was a popular young man, charming, witty, and by all accounts a bit of a party animal. He was also a fighter, alongside many of the other young men of the city – committed to defending their wealth and property from hostile neighbours.

Clara Favarone, by contrast, came from a long line of aristocracy – and was intended to be married, in time, to a similarly aristocratic husband. She lived in a grand palace, high up on the city’s central hill, and even as a young woman had earned a widespread reputation for great honesty, kindness and humility.

When Francesco’s father discovered that his son had not only donated the money from the sale of some expensive cloth for the restoration of a ruined local church, but had also sold the horse he had been riding, his father came to find him, dragged him home in a fury, locked him up for several days, and demanded a court hearing to have the erratic behaviour of his son punished. In the public hearing that followed, Francesco not only repaid the money in question, but stripped himself naked, handing every piece of his fine clothing back to his father – renouncing his inheritance, his family, his status, to follow Jesus to the very edges of society, living in community among the marginalized and excluded.

Clara, meanwhile, after months of planning and preparation, slipped out of the palace one night under cover of darkness, and sought sanctuary in a convent about 4 km from the city. The very next day, some of her male relatives found her and stormed the chapel where she was hiding. Her sister Catherine who followed Clara two weeks later was again pursued by family members, who beat her until she appeared lifeless. Both sisters, however, resisted their family’s violent efforts to take them back home and, with Francesco and some of his new brothers, committed themselves to establishing communities of solidarity, sanctuary and tender care, spaces of resistance and humanizing transformation in a divided, violent society.

57 As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” 58 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” 59 To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” 60 But Jesus[c] said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” 61 Another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” 62 Jesus said to him, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

It is dangerous to read biblical texts in isolation. Dare I say it, the Jesus in this passage from Luke’s gospel doesn’t come across as much fun, very likeable, or even particularly compassionate. There is a single-minded, tunnel-visioned intensity about this man who, we’re told, has “set his face to go to Jerusalem”, and nothing, and no one, it seems, will deviate or delay him from that path.

So thank God for the reminder in today’s psalm (Psalm 16), that this path of Jesus is in fact “the path of life” – that walking this path is to walk with God, “in [whose] presence is fullness of joy”. If we are to make good sense of what God is calling us to today, we need to hold these two things alongside each other – the single-minded intensity, and the fullness of joy. Jesus invites us to say a great big, joyful YES. But that Yes also requires us to say some careful, but firm NO’s.

Just remember – lest this harsh bit of Luke’s gospel confuses that memory – Jesus had absolutely nothing against Samaritans (the woman at the well, for one); he had nothing against caring for one’s family (he goes out of his way to heal Peter’s mother-in-law); and he had nothing against grieving for those who have died (think of his own tears at the death of his dear friend Lazarus). What Jesus is demanding, in his followers – and demanding, I think is the word – is what another of the psalms (Psalm 86) calls “an undivided heart”. To follow Jesus, to be a co-worker for the kingdom, to walk the path of life, requires our full, undivided commitment right here, right now – no “buts”, no qualifiers, no conditions, no competing demands. Which is why, of course, Jesus rebukes James and John for wanting to call down a bit of consuming fire on the inhospitable Samaritan village – there is no room, on the path of life, for resentment, violence and revenge. No room. That is to walk in the opposite direction to the way of Jesus.

But in the world that we live in, to follow the way of Jesus, to walk the path of life, demands a lifetime of disentangling, of extricating ourselves from ways of indifference, division and death. That’s what Francesco and Clara discovered – or St Francis and St Clare of Assisi, as we tend to call them. That to say Yes to Jesus required them to say No to the lives that they had previously had – and to the power, status and violence, the social and cultural assumptions and divisions, that those lives were bound up with. For Francis and Clare, it required them to say No to the consumption, competitiveness and ‘gated communities’ of wealth; to say No to the violence so often mobilized to protect vested interests and the status quo; to say No to the exclusion, abuse and exploitation of those deemed less-than-human; to say No to those desires in ourselves that seek to deny our interrelatedness, diminish our humanity, and hide from the truth. And of course Francis and Clare’s world is not that different to our own. Many of the No’s that they had to say, are No’s required of us too – so that we too can say Yes to the way of Jesus, the path of life. Some of these No’s, in our society of Brexit-exposed divisions and ecological emergency, are perhaps even more urgent than they were for Francis and Clare – and certainly no less so.

And what about Catherine, dear friend, newly-priested pioneer curate? What does God ask of you – through, around, or in spite of, today’s Scripture readings? The ‘job descriptions’ of ‘pioneer’ and ‘priest’ allow for so many things you can say ‘Yes’ to, it can often be hard to utter your ‘No’s. For some of you here, to hear Catherine say ‘No’ at all may feel uncomfortable, difficult to take. Did not St Paul say he was ‘all things to all people’, you might say to yourself? (Although even St Paul immediately followed that up by focusing in on ‘some’ people, rather than everyone.) On the other hand, is Catherine to be like the Jesus of today’s gospel reading, setting her face in one direction only, on one small section of the parish, boldly pioneering where no one has pioneered before, saying No to ‘here’, so she can say a whole-hearted Yes to ‘there’? There is a careful, prayerful discernment in the role of pioneer priest which is unenviable. There is no blueprint. No roadmap. As St Francis himself wrote towards the end of his life: “No one showed me what I had to do.” Only slowly and gradually, one faltering step at a time, do we – pioneers, priests and saints among us – discover what walking the way of Jesus, the path of life, looks like in practice.

But there are, at the very least, some clues to shape our discerning, from those who have – in fact – boldly gone before us. And I want to leave you with two interrelated images, both in some ways profoundly traditional.

The first is the priest as eucharistic host. Here in this eucharist, Catherine, you have done the welcoming, you will do the inviting, and from your hands we will receive the bread, the body of Christ. In some important sense, as much as we are all guests of God here, it is you who creates the conditions for hospitality in this space this morning. But in the eucharist you invite us not just into a sacred space, but into a sacred time. Eucharistic time is Sabbath time. Whether it is in church or in a fresh expression, whether it’s on Sunday morning or on Thursday afternoon, the eucharist invites us into a time for saying No to ‘productivity’, ‘efficiency’ and ‘effectiveness’; to say No to deadlines and clock-watching, busyness and hurriedness; to say No to consumption and competition for scarce resources; to say No to division, enmity and violence… to say No, so that we can say Yes, whole-heartedly, full-bodiedly, to enjoying each other in God’s company, to celebrating around God’s table without limit or end… This patient, generous, gentle eucharistic time, Sabbath time, nevertheless has an urgency to it – as urgent as Jesus’ proclamation, as urgent as Francis and Clare’s invitation, as urgent as our ecological emergency. As priest, Catherine, even where you find yourself the guest of others, you invite those around you to say Yes to eucharistic time, Sabbath time – and call us to be inviters in turn.

But as priest, Catherine, God also invites you to inhabit that eucharistic time, Sabbath time, for yourself – and to do so with an urgent slowness (and I’m preaching as much to myself here as to you, as we preachers so often do). To say Yes fully to the way of Jesus, to the path of life, to the God in whose presence is fullness of joy, you will often find yourself having to say No even to those demands that seem of the utmost importance, from even those people whom you love most dearly. Because to follow the way of Jesus, the path of life, with urgency, is also to learn the art of not-doing, of an attentive stillness.

The priest, poet and Shropshire lad Mark Oakley was once revisiting the county of his childhood when he came across a shepherd, leaning on a traditional shepherd’s crook. Joking with the shepherd that his boss, the bishop of London, had a very similar crook, Mark asked him if he used it to haul in the naughty stray lambs. “No,” said the shepherd, “that’s not what it’s good for. I’ll tell you what I do with this crook. I stick it in the ground so deep that I can hold onto it and keep myself so still that eventually the sheep learn to trust me.”

So Catherine – and those with whom you travel here in Kings Norton – as you take this next step, together today, on your journey into priesthood, may God gently, patiently, kindly make in you an undivided heart, that with Francis and Clare you may more firmly say No to the ways of indifference, division and death, and more joyfully say Yes to Jesus’ life-giving way, to the eucharistic, Sabbath time, of love, joy and peace. Amen.